A male perspective (guest post #1)

I've had a couple of interesting emails from one of my male readers so I asked him if he would mind doing a guest post giving a little male perspective. Here is what he had to say:


I was asked to write my own personal feeling here in this blog. I feel honored for being allowed to do so, but feel I am just the male half of why I’m still single side of the coin. I think I like to open on my thoughts on what I have learned after 33 years in Singledom. I think the biggest theme I learned is some guys have game, and I do not. I have always hated The Game but have found I must play it even if I don’t want to. Which I think plays a part in why I don’t have game. On the other hand I have had the unique experience to understand what not to do in my quest for getting married.

One of my biggest mistakes is my over eagerness when it comes to dating. I mean I asked this smart charming intelligent beautiful girl on a date and she even said YES!!! What more can there be, its LOVE!! I’m exaggerating a little but I have caught myself on this line of thinking. It’s like I try and do a 400 yard dash in a dark room, and all I end up with is a lot of bruises. The more excited I have gotten the more unlike myself I have become. This change in turn has been very noticeable and undesirable. My biggest successes were when I hadn’t even noticed I was in to them. I remember in high school there was this girl at a church swimming party just sitting on a table all by herself. When I saw her my first thoughts were "I bet she is bored". I sat next to her and next thing you know we went out on several dates. That’s how it should be each and every time not just one offs.

Another one of my repeated mistakes is tying my self-worth to being attractive/dateable/married. This doesn’t work but I repeatedly do it. I think this blog touches on this theme a lot. What I can say is I have had a lot of pressure on being married. A lot of Non Mormons would raise a eyebrow at this but let me explain. I am the youngest of 7 and all of them are married and have 3-5 kids each. My parents are nearing their 50th wedding anniversary. Couple that with if you're 27, LDS and not married, you're a menace to society statements and yea I feel the pressure. I have read many church articles on being single in the church and they all seem to point to the single women of the church. It’s like to be a man it’s my fault I am single. While I do agree to take responsibility for my actions what I don’t understand is that it takes 2 to tango and a man just can’t marry himself. I think I am trying but it isn’t happening the way and when I want it to. In essence all of this pressure has made me think it’s me that is the problem. When it’s really not it’s just the circumstances of it. What happens is a never ending cycle, a worth cycle. I recently read a book that talked about appearance in how it’s an ultimate expression of you and how you are. I think there is validly in that statement. What happens on my worth cycle is that when I put all of my self-worth on being attractive/dateable/married and I am not attractive/dateable/married then I have no self worth. I express that in my appearance, mannerisms and such which then shows others that I am not attractive/dateable/married, Which perpetrates the downward spiral. What I have found is I need to stop being what I am not (at the moment) to what I am (at the moment).

When I was younger if I had read what I wrote here I’d say it was all cliché. The thing is when I was younger I missed some of the most basic lessons, I should of learned.