I appreciated all the comments on the last 2 posts. You've given me some stuff to think about.
I'm planning on forming a more coherent response to your comments and adding a few more thoughts. But that will have to wait for a work day that lasts less than 15 hours. Today was not that day.
I am, however, going to share the text exchange that took place tonight between my guy friend—who will now be acronym'd with JAF for "Just a Friend," and me—SS for "Still Single." Love my acronyms.
JAF: I will [do a certain task that you weren't looking forward to doing] for you, if...you agree to go on a date with me :)
SS: JAF, you're very sweet and you know I enjoy spending time with you but not as a “date.” I thought we discussed this? :(
JAF: I know you're not ready for anything serious. But why not keep hanging out and see if anything comes of the little crushes that we've had on one another?
SS: I've been strung along by guy friends hoping something would happen that never did. It sucks. I don't wanna put you through that so I have to be clear...We're not going to date. I'm sorry, JAF.
JAF: Alright that's clear enough, SS. I had to try...
SS: Thank you for understanding. I hope this doesn't change our friendship because you're one of my closest friends.
JAF: Over the past few weeks I started to develop more feelings for you. I had to find out if there was anything on your end. I walked away two week ago thinking there could be a possibility...but this makes it clear and I'm not going to push it.
SS: I'm really sorry for not being clear then. :(
JAF: What I got hung up on was your revelation that, in the past, you were attracted.
But I'm glad it's cleared up. You're one of my closest friends and I certainly don't want that to change.
SS: I can see how I was confusing. I'm sorry. Things have changed, but I'm glad you still wanna be friends.
JAF: It was never a zero sum game for me...we were friends from the start and that's the way it'll stay!
I now leave you to bash me/give me props as you will. Enjoy your weekend!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
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7 comments:
Nice work!
I'd appreciate all girls being this straightforward.
Good job for being honest and straight forward, again! I know its not always easy- especially if you really do want to be their friend.
This is great. Kudos. Do people still say that?
This is great. Kudos. Do people still say that?
AGB here.
Hate to break this to you but my take is hes still Head over Heels for you. He knows you dont want anything yet. Yet being the key word. He wont push but he will hang out and see if things change. Its not like you are seeing other guys regularly.
To him Friends will be a consolation prize. Guarantee you will have to have the friends talk once again. He will ask you out but not ask you out in the mean time.
As I stated in the last post. Ive been this guy. I feel bad because I've been there...still there.
Its frustrating to me because like my friend you have already written him off. You have some sort of checklist and he doesn't fit the bill. Yet he probably is a pretty good fit for you as defined by your good friendship with him.
I really like a lot of the last comments on the last post. The one that still single yet her friend is now married is not sad because she is single but realizing that he may of been a better fit that she had thought. Our bias and prejudice can cloud what a good relationship can be. How many times have we been wrong about a person when we first met them? We shouldn't make lists and narrow our choices because then we cant let the lord lead us to whats really important....An Eternal companion.
Im sure I set some people off with this post but I'm pretty opinionated on the subject.
What I suggest to you SS is to open your mind and heart and pray about it. Take that for your answer.
So I love that you said all that. Please don't hang out with him for awhile. He really needs to see you don't want to be more than friends. Also just try to rustle up some dates to go on, if possible(take up your friends offers to set you up on dates and so forth). This is to help you not fall into that "hanging out" mode. Then, he thinks you're playing hard to get and he needs to convince you of how awesome he is. It is flattering to you,to have someone work so hard, but hurtful to him. So give him and you some space for awhile so he can create chance for himself with potential ECs.
Yeah... my two cents, having been the one hanging on for dear life hoping that if we continue to hang out that maybe JUST maybe the other person will wake up out of their funk and realize that we are made for each other... it doesn't happen. If you aren't feeling it by now... you probably won't be feeling it in the near future. he will continue wanting to hang out, letting that flame a flicker away with the hope that you'll provide the oxygen to bring it to full fledge firey life. It sounds like that's not gonna happen. When Harry Met Sally is all about how men and women can never really be just friends. and i mostly agree with that. when it gets to the point that one person has feelings and the other doesn't, the friendship is doomed. if neither person ever has feelings for the other, then you're good, but... the longer you hold onto the friendship, the longer he'll likely hang on to the idea that you might cave one day. I dunno... I think a gradual separation is in order. It sucks to lose one of your best friends, but in the long run... it's probably the healthiest thing to do so that he can move on. could this post BE any longer? phew.
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