by SS
I know sometimes it's necessary. Games can get so out of hand that one side or both sides no longer have a clue about the other's intentions. One side may be moving away (or contemplating a move) and it becomes necessary to determine if the relationship should continue. One side or both sides may have concerns about the degree of physicality of the relationship without a certain level of commitment.
Those are pretty much the only reasons I can think of, though. Other than that, they should be off limits.
Probably sounds pretty ironic coming from me, I know. I mean, here I have this whole blog dedicated to analyzing guys, relationships, and myself.
Hey, I analyze things. It's what I do.
But for some reason I've always felt a bit uncomfortable analyzing my relationship with another person with that person himself. It seems to take something away from the beauty of the relationship. Some of the fun, some of the lightheartedness, some of the joy.
Awhile back I found this gem of a line in Khaled Hosseini's “A Thousand Splendid Suns” that struck me with its beautiful simplicity. And it helped me understand why the DTR can be so uncomfortable. “Boys, Laila came to see, treated friendship the way they treated the sun: its existence undisputed; its radiance best enjoyed, not beheld directly.”
That's it. I love the feeling of warm sunshine on my skin. I could play out in the sun all day. But I definitely don't want to stare at the sun or analyze why it's keeping me warm.
*Mo-speak for the awkward “Define the Relationship” talk.
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5 comments:
In my opinion, if you have to DTR, it's already over.
You're right, it takes the fun out of being/falling in love. Just see where things take you-no need to define it. If you feel good, you feel good. If you don't, you don't. I wouldn't bring a third party into your individual feelings.
stillsingle, that is such a great analogy. Let me add a little to it, from the "devil's advocate" side: If you stay out in the sun without protection - sunblock - you get burned.
I'm a firm believer in letting a relationship define itself, but sometimes, and YES this is coming from a man, you need to know where it's going so you don't get burned. How many times do we hear, "we just didn't want the same things"? Even after a longish relationship!
Just a thought. I HATE the DTR talks. I think they're lame, I agree with the Wakefields that they kill relationships as easily as anything, but at some point there has to be SOME discussion at least to make sure your goals are the same, if nothing else - no?
SS, did you have a DTR recently, or was this just musings? :-)
I want to not care about DTR's but it's hard, being who I am. I still have some of those insecurities embedded in me that want the security. I want to know they aren't sleeping around, I want to know they are mine. But sometimes I regret how the DTR ruined my last relationship. It wasn't even that he wanted to date other people, the word "relationship" just freaked him out after a bad divorce.
I never knew about this DTR thing until recently. I got an awkward.. 'are we dating now?' said.. 'yeah, i think so'.. and that was it.
But I'm very secure in my relationship. I get reassurances every now and then, and I trust him. I think trust is really all you need. Unless this guy is avoiding talking about exclusivity between the two, I wouldn't be worried about anything like that.
i don't know :)
that is a GREAT book! Almost as good as Kit Runner, but not quite. And I hate all long conversations about relationships but I DO want to know if we're exclusive. A quick yes or no will suffice!
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