Monday, October 26, 2009

Greetings from the Guy's perspective

The lovely purveyor of this very entertaining blog has been gracious enough to let me play around on it a little bit. And BTW, not to be too flattering, but any of the East Coast LDS guys that aren't lining up to date this girl are idiots. But maybe it's her fault since she seems to dump the nice guys ;-) I guess I'm always kind of amazed at the career girls who can't find a good guy??? I'm a huge proponent of women expanding their horizons, realizing their dreams, fulfilling their destiny, developing their talents, whatever. I think it makes for a much more well-rounded individual and someone a lot more interesting to be with. Anyway, thanks for letting me hang out and contribute a little, it saves me the hassle of making my own blog and trying to get as many adoring fans as you already have.

I guess my job will be to give the guy's perspective on dating in this cruel, cruel world of ours. I'm a little older than most on here I would guess and I have been married before. It does kind of provide a different point of view as being back in the dating scene after being married for a little while just adds a whole new set of challenges (Read: Baggage) into the mix. I am LDS, whether I'm as active or not as some of you isn't really the issue, I pretty much only date LDS women, so there are those nuances to consider. I've tried dating women who aren't LDS and it's too much of a hassle dealing with such varying viewpoints on things I think are vital to a successful relationship.

I like dating and I do quite a bit of it. I think that might be because I've already been married once and I don't want to make another mistake, so I realize I need to date a lot. It's made for some interesting events in my life, for sure! I've been fine-tuning my dating age limits and I'm currently at 28-40 and I do fall somewhere in the middle there. I'm not averse to dating older women, and I don't have any problem dating younger women - I'm much more concerned about the connection. I'm like "stillsingle" in that, if there is no spark (or semblance of a spark), it doesn't happen long term, no matter how attractive a woman might be, regardless of age. I'm not against dating (hanging out with, whatever) several women at the same time, but I will NOT make out with multiple women at the same time - and those of you with naughty minds, I don't mean literally at the same time in the same place, I mean if I'm in a physical relationship with one woman, the others I might be going out with, get no action on our dates. There's a whole weird dynamic to be discussed there, but I don't want to give away everything on the first day. I want to be a long term contributor. :-)

I'm pretty adept at the games people play while dating. I think they're necessary to a point. Without a little bit of playing around, it gets boring fast. I know, I know, all the nice girls out there are thinking, "I don't play games, I hate playing games!!!" Well, I think they're necessary to a point. Not to the point of being a player or being mean, but to the point of keeping interest high. For instance, the woman I'm currently pursuing is very good at the game of hide and seek. This is where a woman is available sometimes, and not others. She texts and calls sometimes and others she disappears. She plays interested and then disinterested. And being completely truthful, it is HOT. Is she dating other guys? Maybe - I don't imagine a woman this attractive is sitting at home at night very often. Is she busy? Of course she is, she has a career. Whatever the excuse - Is she good at keeping me interested? OBVIOUSLY. What is the difference with playing this little game and what most women I go out with do? Most women, get attached FIRST DATE!!! Are you kidding me? Yeah, the constant email, phone calls, texts, IMs, FB messages, etc get SO old SO fast and that leads to no more dates. Kind of contrary to what you think should happen, but it's the truth.

Ladies, guys like the chase! Let them chase you a little bit. Don't be 100% available and definitely don't start planning your future family after so little personal interaction. And like it or not, this is a game. It's fun, it's interesting, it's what you need to do to keep things going at first. YES, the dynamic does change somewhat as you get into a longer-term relationship, however at first - don't be afraid to play the game a little! If the guy is into you, he'll play along. If he's not, you don't care anyway, and why would you waste time on him??? Anyway, I'll track this woman I'm pursuing on here a little, but I have a feeling it's going to be a long pursuit. And in case it gets slow sometimes, I'll fill you in on some other adventures as we go along.

It's too bad "stillsingle" and I don't live closer together, we could totally go out and then critique each other on here to see where we do well and where we can improve, now that would be entertaining - and a great idea!!! Maybe I'll start a service - "Third-wheel Dating Consulting" I'll come along with you on your dates, analyze your electronic interaction, interview you between dates to see what the stress level is over the individual you're dating, etc. and then help you prepare for the next steps, whether that be continued dating, breaking up, bootie calls, whatever. I could make millions!!! :-D

I fully realize this first post is all over the place, but really how many of us are perfectly focused on how dating should go? Discussing it isn't any more direct, that's why it's fun. Hope I can be a positive contributor to this blog - if "stillsingle" hates me after too long, she can always pull the plug. :-)

12 comments:

alex dumas said...

Thumbs up. Nice to have a male perspective.

Alicia said...

Great Post! I look forward to hearing more!

Candice said...

I'm intrigued...

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

I'd hire you. Do you except checks written out by the Ward Clerk and signed by the Bishop?

anonymous said...

MBP, I've seen your blog, I'm not sure you need the help. I may bring you guys on as partners.

And as long as the money is in US$ I'll take it. I'm currently working on getting my services added to Obamacare - keep your fingers crossed!

Stacey said...

Question: I agree with what you said about game playing...however, 1) how do you know when to stop playing the game and get "real"? and on that same theme, 2) how long do you play the game before the guy gets bored and moves onto another player?

whyimstillsingle said...

A, my girls are already digging you. I think I'll keep you around. ;)

Also, for the record, I don't dump "nice" guys, I dump BORING ones! Totally different.

Kristen said...

I'd hire you. :P

And I think it's hilarious that MBP is on here. I just found your blog yesterday. HA. Small world...

anonymous said...

The game resolves itself. However, you should NEVER stop playing the little games with each other to keep each others' interest.

In the relationships I've had since my divorce where the girl and I dated for a while, we just started acting differently. You can kind of tell. You're more comfortable together, you're not stressed about being together, it just kind of "clicks".

But, like I said, keep the little games going, but they're different - stay a little mysterious, keep teasing each other, keep it fun you know??!?!? Dating and being together should be FUN! If it's not, re-evaluate the relationship quickly.

See what Stillsingle says about "boring" guys - it's true! And if you let yourself as a woman get "caught" too easily, YOU become boring too. Keep it fresh, don't just assume that because you're dating a lot or even exclusively that your work is done - on either side. The rut is SO easy to fall into, and it is NOT good. Just keep having fun with each other...

Bailey said...

Hm. I think I like this. You know, from one single blogger to another :)

Kathy said...

Thanks, Anonymous. It's so good to have a guy's honest perspective on this. So, what's the best thing for a girl to do if no one's chasing to begin with?

anonymous said...

McKathlin, the best thing you can do is just relaaaaaax and be 100% happy with who you are. You can't MAKE a guy chase you. But seriously, confidence is one of the sexiest attributes a woman can have (or man as well). So, if you're out and men pay attention to you, just play it like it happens ALL the time. If you chase, it won't work. If you come off as needy in any way, it won't work or you'll attract the wrong kind of guy. Get out there, have fun and don't stress it. When you do find someone you want to date, don't be 100% available all the time, keep up the chase a little bit. Attitude plays such a huge role in attraction and it's something you can't fake, it has to genuinely be you. I'll post stories sometime about the girl who got away, and you'll see what I mean. :-)