The “perfect” one always goes

I admit it. I love me some “Bachelorette.”

Despite the fact that show is built on a ridiculous premise. (Meet and get engaged in just a few weeks? It's like Provo on crack.)
Despite the fact that some, if not all, of the show is scripted.
Despite the fact that most of the characters have no personality.
AND despite the fact that watching the show is like watching one painfully awkward DTR* after another for 2 straight hours. Minus commercials, of course.

So why do I love it? Well, part of the reason is that a bit of mindless entertainment is quite refreshing after a long day at work. The other part of the reason is that, despite all the above-mentioned absurdities, there are little nuggets of relationship truth strewn around the show. Yes, it's hyperbole, but truth nonetheless.

Hear me out.

Apparently a lot of “Bachelorette” fans were upset that Jillian sent Jake home this week. He was so sweet and “perfect.” In his final goodbye, he threw himself this sad little pity party wherein he monologued about the old cliche—the nice guy always finishes last. We've all heard the same sob story so many times.

But here's what I think. Jillian didn't send Jake home because he was too nice. She sent him home because he was too “perfect.” He molded himself into what he thought a perfect boyfriend should be. And maybe he really would've been the perfect boyfriend—but we got no sense that he had any sort of personality beyond that. Boring.

I don't have a long history with this show. But I'm starting to see a pattern.

I started with DeAnna a couple seasons back. It came down to 2 guys—the wild card, Jesse, and the perfect and safe one, Jason. All DeAnna could ever say about Jason was how “perfect” he was—he was everything she'd ever wanted in a husband and future father. A lot of people were rooting for her to pick Jason. But she chose Jesse. Jason was just too “perfect.”

Then Jason became the bachelor. In the end it came down to 2 girls—the “wild card,” Molly, and the “perfect one,” Melissa. (I have to use quotation marks for all these descriptors because really, they only represent how Jason described them. In reality, both girls seemed equally boring.) So, Jason plays it safe, chooses the “perfect” one, only to dump her a couple months later for the “wild card.”

Like I said, ridiculous, exaggerated stories. But I think there's a little something to them.

I don't know about you, but I'm a fan of nice people. I've never broken up with or chosen not to date a guy because he was too nice. On the other hand, I have broken up with or chosen not to date certain guys because they were too “perfect.”

I keep putting the word “perfect” in quotation marks because I really should define what I mean by it. I'm talking about those people who seem to mold themselves into exactly whatever it is you're looking for. This isn't to say that they don't genuinely have some of those attributes. Rather, they just don't seem to have much of a personality beyond that. It's as if they live only to please you. To me, that's not being nice. That's being lost.

Don't get me wrong. I think sacrifice is an important part of any meaningful relationship—romantic or otherwise. But sometimes you gotta take a stand for yourself. Sometimes you gotta disagree. Sometimes you gotta do something unpredictable. I think an ideal partner would be 100% reliable when it comes to the things that really matter. But when it comes to everything else, I think a lot of us like it mixed up. What hobby will you take up next? What interesting thing did you learn about? What will you want to do this weekend? What crazy life experience did you never tell us about till now?

Otherwise. Boring.

Of course there are exceptions, but I really believe that the nice guy that's finishing last isn't finishing last because he's too nice. Maybe he's too boring. Or maybe the girl doesn't feel any chemistry with him. Or maybe he just hasn't met the right girl.

Dear nice guys, we do like you. As long as you're not “perfect,” the right one will come along. You just haven't met her yet.



*Mo-speak for the awkward “Define the Relationship” discussion that, in my opinion, should only ever need to take place if the couple is contemplating a long distance relationship.