Little Girl Poetry, part 2

by SS

So, as you might have surmised from my last post, I was not the prettiest little girl on the block. I was wretchedly skinny. As in, not the skinny where people are jealous of you, but the skinny where people are genuinely grossed out by you. And furthermore, they are not afraid to tell you so to your face. Not only that, but I grew up surrounded by a culture where having “meat on your bones” was the beauty standard—not the anorexic look.

Excuse me while I launch into a mini-rant. We all know that a lot of kids are mean. They tend to make fun of those look different, talk different, act different, etc. As the kids get older, however, provided they don't have any major behavioral or emotional issues, they typically will at least stop making fun of other kids to their faces. What they do behind other kids' backs and/or to their perceived enemies is of course a different story. But you won't typically see a normal, well-adjusted older kid go up to some random kid and insult them for no apparent reason.

As I approached my teen years, I started thinking, if I had to choose, I'd rather be too fat than too skinny. Because, at least at my school, the fat kids were typically only teased behind their backs. (A few random bullies being the exception to this.) I, on the other hand, had no shortage of people telling me to my face, “Ugh, you're so skinny.” I don't know if they just didn't realize this was insulting or what. But every time someone said that to me, all I heard was, “Ugh, you're so ugly.” And I believed it. I was already shy and insecure. Over time it only got worse.

Basically, when everyone else is obsessed with your appearance, it's kinda hard not to become obsessed yourself.

If you read my little 13-year-old girl poem, you can sense how much I longed to be appreciated for what I was on the inside. You can sense that I felt I had something to offer, but didn't know how to convey it unless I was beautiful. You can sense my frustration, beginning with fairy tales (curse Disney!) but later carrying on into other forms of media and indeed often in real life, with guys falling in love with girls simply because they were beautiful.

This is why I shared my little poem even though it was embarrassing. I've matured quite a bit since then, but it's still frustrating to me that so many men seem to be able to completely fall in love with a woman because she's beautiful. I know there are men reading this blog who will prove me wrong. But still, can any of us deny how widespread this phenomenon is?