A little superficiality

A few posts ago I blogged about how we want to get the most bang for our buck. I mentioned that, generally, we don't necessarily want the best there is, just the best that we can get. When making a home purchase, for example, if our price range goes up to $250,000, we'll likely try to find the nicest place in that range. If we're feeling really ambitious, we might try to work down a nice home that's priced at $275,000 or even a little higher. We are not, however, going to go out looking at houses that are priced, say, $450,000 or above. We know there's just no way that could work. We may not like it, but we accept it as our reality—at least for the time being.

I wrote that it was similar in dating—we don't want to feel like we just settled for whatever was left. We want someone who makes us feel lucky and also makes us believe the best about ourselves.

Now for the exceptions.

There was a certain guy in a ward I attended that constantly got rejected. He was a bit socially awkward and not very attractive. Wait! I'm not saying social awkwardness and unattractiveness mean that someone should get rejected. The problem was that this guy always pursued the prettiest and most outgoing girls in the ward. The sad thing about this guy's situation was that there were at least a couple of girls who had told me they had interest in him. They were closer equals to him in terms of social skills and looks than the girls he would pursue.

Who knows if he would've ultimately worked out with either of them had he given them a chance. But they would've loved to at least have had a shot. Instead, they remained pining while he continued to get rejected by every single girl he tried to pursue.

I have a friend who makes a similar mistake. Sadly, she has really let her appearance go the past couple of years and yet she continues to obsess over the best looking guys. Like a little girl, she gets giddy if one of them so much as says hello to her and then is depressed an hour later when she sees one of them flirting with a pretty girl. Sometimes after such an occasion she will come to me upset, proclaiming, “No one will ever like me.”

I have the hardest time knowing what to say to her. She has so many good qualities that any guy would be lucky to have her. I'm sure that she will eventually meet the right one. But right now, she's getting caught up in guys that just have no interest in her.

Please feel free to call me out if I'm missing something or am just being downright superficial.

But—here comes the soapbox—

—here's what I can say anonymously on a blog but never in real life to a struggling friend—

—here's part of the reason I have an anonymous blog to begin with—

—if you're going after the person who is constantly surrounded by admirers, you better have a lot of admirers yourself. Don't waste your emotional energy with people who will not be attracted to you. (And who, in some cases, are not even worth the effort anyways.)

Looks aren't everything, but attraction—which is often initially sparked by looks—does count for a lot and has to be equal from both sides.

That's all. Nothing new. Nothing earth-shattering. But I bet a lot of you know some singles who don't seem to get it.