Little Girl Poetry, part 2

by SS

So, as you might have surmised from my last post, I was not the prettiest little girl on the block. I was wretchedly skinny. As in, not the skinny where people are jealous of you, but the skinny where people are genuinely grossed out by you. And furthermore, they are not afraid to tell you so to your face. Not only that, but I grew up surrounded by a culture where having “meat on your bones” was the beauty standard—not the anorexic look.

Excuse me while I launch into a mini-rant. We all know that a lot of kids are mean. They tend to make fun of those look different, talk different, act different, etc. As the kids get older, however, provided they don't have any major behavioral or emotional issues, they typically will at least stop making fun of other kids to their faces. What they do behind other kids' backs and/or to their perceived enemies is of course a different story. But you won't typically see a normal, well-adjusted older kid go up to some random kid and insult them for no apparent reason.

As I approached my teen years, I started thinking, if I had to choose, I'd rather be too fat than too skinny. Because, at least at my school, the fat kids were typically only teased behind their backs. (A few random bullies being the exception to this.) I, on the other hand, had no shortage of people telling me to my face, “Ugh, you're so skinny.” I don't know if they just didn't realize this was insulting or what. But every time someone said that to me, all I heard was, “Ugh, you're so ugly.” And I believed it. I was already shy and insecure. Over time it only got worse.

Basically, when everyone else is obsessed with your appearance, it's kinda hard not to become obsessed yourself.

If you read my little 13-year-old girl poem, you can sense how much I longed to be appreciated for what I was on the inside. You can sense that I felt I had something to offer, but didn't know how to convey it unless I was beautiful. You can sense my frustration, beginning with fairy tales (curse Disney!) but later carrying on into other forms of media and indeed often in real life, with guys falling in love with girls simply because they were beautiful.

This is why I shared my little poem even though it was embarrassing. I've matured quite a bit since then, but it's still frustrating to me that so many men seem to be able to completely fall in love with a woman because she's beautiful. I know there are men reading this blog who will prove me wrong. But still, can any of us deny how widespread this phenomenon is?

Little Girl Poetry

by SS

For over a month I've been debating whether or not to share this. It's insanely embarrassing. But ultimately I decided that if I can't bring upon myself massive humiliation on an anonymous blog, where can I do it? Plus, I suppose it does sort of tie into my last post about being noticed by the opposite sex.

When I was little, one of my greatest dreams was to become a writer. I have long since abandoned that dream for reasons that, if not already apparent, will certainly become clear after I share my little girl poem that I'm about to share.

Background

I think it's fascinating that US society (as well as a lot of other societies for that matter) is so obsessed with appearances. Placing people on a Scale of Attractiveness—of which I am guilty!—is just one of many, many examples.

I've often openly discussed with others my thoughts on attraction and the relevance of beauty in society in general and relationships in particular. But being able to share how these issues affect me specifically is pretty personal.

The following is something I wrote at age 13. I dug it out of an old spiral journal I uncovered last time I was home. I got a good chuckle out of it and hopefully you will, too.

So why am I sharing it? Despite its silly content and ridiculous execution (which I hope will make you smile), it does, nevertheless, give a sense of where I'm coming from. If you choose not to read it, I won't be offended. Promise.


Fairy Tales

As a little girl I heard them all
“Once upon a time,” they always began
“There was a beautiful fairy tale princess,
Who was the fairest in the land.”

She may not have been very talented
She may not have been very bright
But she truly was very beautiful
And that made everything alright.

She dreamed of the day her prince charming
Would ride in from a faraway land
He would discover her alone in her castle
They’d fall in love and he’d ask for her hand.

It was love at first sight—it truly exists!
Within moments they’d pledge themselves true.
They’d ride off in the sunset, live happily ever after,
They didn’t need time to think things through.

These stories were a mystery to me
I wondered where on earth they went.
I sensed that they were “superficial”
Before I even knew what the word meant.

Before I even knew what a “relationship” was,
I knew not what theirs was based upon.
Could that have possibly been love?
It only made me want to yawn!!

Like you could just throw love around
It blew all over like a leaf in the breeze
With just a bit of luck it might land in your lap
It was so simple, nothing but ease.

It was like a beautiful butterfly
Gliding from flower to flower
Someday it might light upon you
But it really wasn’t within your power.

This was the concept of love they taught
But wasn’t it something more profound?
I felt it had to be something greater
More like a seed planted deep in the ground.

You had to nourish it daily—
It needed good soil, some rain, and sunlight
Surely it took some effort, didn’t it?
Anything less wouldn’t make it grow right.

Oh, but I’m still a romantic.
I wanted a fairy tale, too.
I wanted to fall deeply in love.
So what in the world could I do?

In my fairy tales I, too, was princess
Deep within my castle locked
I wasn’t the fairest in the land
I wasn’t where all the princes flocked

I wasn’t the most charming or most graceful
But I was myself—something the others were not.
I had my own beauty, intelligence, and passion
I only needed to be sought.

I was like a mystery to be uncovered
I dreamt of the day my prince would find me
He’d rescue me from the chambers of myself
For to my castle only he had the key.

He wouldn’t fall in love at first sight
He wouldn’t instantly pledge himself true
He definitely wouldn’t run away, though
He would wait to see me through.

He’d find all the pieces of my puzzle
One by one he’d put them together
When finished it lay before him
He thought he’d never seen anything greater.

And yet still I was not the most beautiful
I was the same girl I’d been all my life
But this didn’t matter at all to him
He still wanted me to be his wife.

Then he’d take me to that faraway land
Where I’d be free to live without fear
He’d make me his promises, pledge himself true
He would forever hold me near.