Some answers

I sort of had a little epiphany today. But I'll blog about that tomorrow.

Everyone seems to be pretty opinionated about the JAF situation. I think it makes for an interesting discussion because pretty much all of us have been at one end or the other at least once in our lives.

Here are my answers to some of the questions you guys threw out at me. (Although most of your questions weren't really in question form, but you know.)

Am I being superficial?

It's not that my friend's not attractive. He is an attractive guy. It's just that there's no spark there for me. Plain and simple. I really don't know how else to describe it. It not that he has some glaring (or even minor) defect that I just can't see past. There is just no chemistry.

I've had chemistry in my past relationships. Once you've had it, can you really settle for anything less? It's real, people.

But if you've been such good friends for so long, doesn't that mean you're already compatible?

Lack of chemistry is the primary reason I will not date JAF. It's not because I have some checklist and he doesn't fit the bill.

To answer the question, yes, there is some degree of compatibility. This is obviously true for all of my friends, male or female! This doesn't mean I want to date them.

I know JAF and I have a lot to talk about and have a good time when we're together. But we also have some fundamental differences that would matter if we were to start our lives together. And I'm not talking about hobbies, people. I don't understand why he's so into football. He likes some nerdy movies/tv shows which put me to sleep every time. But who cares?

I'm talking about the way we want to live out our lives, what's fundamentally most important to us. We differ in a number of areas that are very important to me. The specifics are kind of personal, but if someone would really like to know what I'm talking about, I can try to clarify in another post.

But once again, a physical relationship is important! I want to be attracted to my partner. I do not think that is too much to ask. I am not unrealistically picky in this regard. I am and have been attracted to many guys. Just not him.

Will I regret it if I don't take the chance and end up alone later?

Okay, I've decided this issue deserves its whole separate post. Or two or three. For now I'll just say that while I can't predict the future, most likely the answer to this question for me is no. I know it won't be the same for everyone. For me, I'd rather be alone and wondering what if I had tried vs. being in a relationship and wondering what if I had held out.

Shouldn't I just give him a chance, see what comes of it?

If I haven't felt it these past 2 years, and this includes much alone time together, I'm pretty damn sure that I'm not going to start feeling it now. We've even done some things together that could be considered “romantic.” Didn't feel a thing.